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Johnny Cool

Mum, Ive found my dream girl! By Johnny Cool

Before she could say anything, I reminded myself to talk of the positives, my heart was beating fast and my speech increased a pace. ‘She is a very attractive, beautiful babe’, I continued.’ She speaks Punjabi fluently, she reads the Guru Granth saab (religious scriptures) everyday and earns £250,000 per annum as a Barrister.

She loves to cook, especially Saag and Makhi de Roti (spinach and cornmeal chapattis) and is great at washing clothes, washing plates….’ My mind drifted to the time she gave me a helping hand in the bath. My mother butted in and jolted my thoughts ,‘Va, Va  Beta ’, she said to me.

‘That’s it, keep talking’ I said to myself. ‘She is 5ft 8,  her skin is silky smooth, her eyes emerald green, she wants to live at home and look after you + dad’, I carried on ‘she doesn’t do drugs or drink alcohol’,  Mother intervened ‘Beta you have struck gold, a dream girl for any mother-in-law’.

A big smile emerged on my face. I pulled the treasured picture of my beloved Bal out of my Etchken and gave it to her.

Oh my God she is black…’ said my mother nearly fainting

“I thought you said her name was Bal!”.

‘It is Bal!     Balkuto Mandella, she is African Black.’ I said.

My parents aren’t racist, honestly, they are liberal. They’ve told me they don’t care who I hook up with as long as they are not black, white,  Chinese, fishermen, butchers or pundits, yellow or an alien. 
Their only requirement is that she is Indian, Punjabi  and Sikh…………and oh yeah , from village 54!

Laters Baby JCx